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Home and Away: Nikau trades the bait shop for the glamorous world of modelling and ANOTHER wedding

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Nikau is hailed the “next big thing”. It smells a bit fishy, and it’s not his bait shop clothes.

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Bella won a photography competition with a photo of Nikau, and now he’s been approached by a top modelling agent, for those who have managed to avoid the constant barrage of Home and Away ads teasing the new storyline.

He thinks it’s a good laugh and goes to Salt to meet “big city agent” Sienna Blake, who goes all out for the occasion.

It’s the standard new character intro for this show, they all start out as baddies looking for trouble.

Even Justin was a bad boy when he first arrived and look at him taking up valuable oxygen now.

“I’m not going to miss out on the next big thing,” Sienna says.

Maybe it’s just Ari and Mia’s seriously crass lines but it sounds like Sienna wants to make Nikau her toy boy.

Sienna sweetens the pot by offering an internship to a budding photographer named Bella, who is a little late to the party.

Bella dresses up as Paddington bear in order to appear “serious and professional” at the meeting. Before I get slammed for not being a feminist, keep in mind that this is a show, so it’s the fault of the wardrobe department.

The producers did an excellent job of setting the “big city” scene for us. The receptionist looks like she’s straight out of The Devil Wears Prada, and a young lady is crying her eyes out.

Nikau attends the meeting with his girlfriend. But the shiny things attract Bella, who meets Allegra the model and Emmett the “amazing” photographer, who wears a backwards cap and says “mate,” which means “cool and down to earth.”

Nikau’s brow furrows until he gives up and declares, “This is stupid, I’m not doing this anymore.”

But it’s just a tease, and he comes back, takes “amazing” photos, and is sent a very expensive bottle of champers later that night to celebrate booking his first job.

Nik, Bella, Ryder, and Chloe are all there, and in other news, Ryder and Chloe have changed their names to “we” people. You know, the kind that works as a team.

Anyway, here are my predictions: Sienna will entice Nikau into the modeling industry, and Bella will be unable to cope.

In other news, the wedding that the producers promised at the season return may actually take place.

I can’t believe I’ve been watching Home and Away religiously – well, I get paid for it – for a year and this will be my first wedding.

Budget McDreamy is eager to seize life by the balls after his near-death experience – is it near death if you were technically dead?

“I don’t want to wait anymore,” Christian says to Tori.

“Let’s get this party started.” It’s exactly what a lady wants to hear about such a significant event. However, nuptials are a common occurrence in Summer Bay.

It’ll be at Brodie’s winery in a month – apparently a Tori and Justin sibling whom I’ve never heard of, which begs the question, why isn’t the show about this guy with a winery?

Also, this is new to me, but Roo used to be a wedding planner, so she’s on board as well.

In terms of the show, the wedding is all set (with the exception of the bridal party, which I’ll discuss later), and Tori and Jasmine are once again friends.

So it’s a beautiful brisk morning in the Bay, and Tori invites Budget McDreamy to join her for some yoga.

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Sadly Budget McDreamy doesn’t find his Zen. In fact it has the opposite effect and he wants to know all the details about the day Lewis killed him.

The producers opt for the the Jas cam technique – kind of an unstable fish-eye type thing used when a character is not themselves – to amplify the stress of the conversation.

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“I remember it all,” Christian mutters.

“During the yoga class it all came back to me.”

But not even modern medicine or the title of world’s best neurosurgeon (probably) can explain Christian’s out-of-body experience.

Justin interrupts the intense moment; is it even necessary for him to remain in it?

He mopes around as usual, then accuses Leah of “throwing me under the bus” because she informed his doctor that he had been self-medicating.

That kind of gets pushed aside for another time because WEDDING.

Tori asks Leah to be her maid of honour which causes Budget McDreamy to break down in tears because he’s “alive”.

Meanwhile Jasmine still can’t “catch a break” – her words not mine for once.

Budget McDreamy tells Jas that he saw the light, which makes Jas wonder what’s in store for her, literally because Maz keeps her tarot cards in her handbag.

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What can’t that woman do. She can walk on the beach in Louboutin’s and as of Tuesday, she’s very effective with a whistle.

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Jas chickens out of the reading because she already knowns that her character gets the most tragic storylines.

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