Hello one and all and welcome to the 2021 season return of Home and Away.
After a mighty long recap, the show begins and the producers give us exactly what we want since they know they delivered a lackluster finale.
Hello one and all and welcome back to Home and Away for the 2021 season.
The show starts after a mighty long recap and the producers send us exactly what we expect, as they realize they have delivered a lackluster finale.
It picks up at the prison, and Colby doesn’t breathe, which Dean (obviously shirtless with tattoos blazing) just so artistically juxtaposes with sweeping drone shots of the bay.
The defibrillator is whipped out by Lewis, but Colby can’t be revived.
Unfortunately, we don’t see how Colby ended up in this lifeless state, but then I remember this is a family show that makes affairs, robberies, and drug transport, but it would be too far for a shanking.
Lewis is played by Luke Arnold, who last year entered the final and was already called Johnny Depp as a poor man. But now I don’t know whether naming Lewis, Depp, because Depp has been “canceled” is offensive now.
The suspense is broken anyway and the life of Colby hangs in the balance because Kieran (Martha’s long-lost son with a violent past) zhuzhes up his CV, which is just exciting TV.
Kieran drops it off in the gym where he runs straight into Jasmine, but it’s all right because Jas wanted to put her first and very intense meeting behind her.
Next up is Dean who still won’t visit bestie Colby in jail.
“I’m sure as hell not going to relive that nightmare,” Dean says
It’s apparent Dean hasn’t been back to prison since he was released which is exactly what Bella goes on to say.
Back to the ambulance as Colby has a seizure and hurtles towards the hospital.
Jas gets to work, her other job at the hospital where Dr. Christian Green, aka Budget McDreamy, updates everyone from the corrections facility about the incoming patient.
My advice was not heeded by the poor bloke, and he’s always in the same clothes.
Between Lewis and McDreamy, there’s obviously something going on, because they both throw a little shade at each other.
I say, if the new characters did not have unresolved issues eating away at them, it would not be Home and Away.
No doubt the patient is Colby, anyway, but it’s a surprise to Jas, who always gives us a stunning spectrum of emotions.
McDreamy takes Jas aside and tells her she should sit out this one, but she refuses because her best hope of having a baby is still Colby’s sperm, so he must live.
There are a number of doctoral terms, but the blood flowing from Colby’s ears is of utmost importance, which I know would suggest damage to the head because of my years watching Grey’s Anatomy.
“What did they do to you,” utters Budget McDreamy with sympathy.
I note that when he’s near to death, Colby doesn’t bother me as much.
Back to ol ‘mate Deano who sticks to stubborn ways and maintains that he won’t visit Colby even though what he’s been through is what his best friend is going through at the moment, plus if Colby didn’t take the wrap together they would be in there.
I think the point has been made, but to further highlight the risks of incarceration, Dean launches into a monologue.
I don’t think Dean has ever put so many phrases together.
You do not understand, no one does, unless you have been there. No matter who you were before you went in, you’ve got to start all over again, you’ve got to earn your spot, you’ve got to fight your own battles, and that never ends,’ he says.
“I’ll take you to jail if you want to do that, but I’m waiting outside.”
Back at the hospital, Jasmine offers some ‘tude’ to the guards.
She wants to call Bella, but the guard says that it’s a matter of security.
Your patient is a convicted killer, like it or not, and there are procedures in place,” the extra dressed as a security guard says.”
Gee, I hope there’s a guest spot for this man.
Poor Jas is almost in tears.
Poor Depp, however, is a nifty man and can outsmart the guards.
In person, they pay Bella and Dean a visit to remind them of the seriousness of the situation.
They’re certainly up to something because two giant dudes covered in matching blood and sand tattoos cause a commotion while Bella and Dean sneak into Colby’s room.
I assume these dudes — which the producers are trying to conceal the faces of — are the River Boys that were teased in the trailer.
Naturally Bella is brought to tears by the sight of her brother’s almost lifeless body.
Budget McDreamy comes back from the commotion and breaks up the reunion. He does have a very commendable bed side manner though.
Jas and Poor Depp hug it out.
Bella and Dean worry how they can protect Colby, but he won’t need protecting if he’s dead.
Ah I spoke too soon because COLBY MOVES!
No one finds out about the gym gig because Kieran is still going on, which just reinforces how delusional he is because he definitely does not have the cold heart and false smile needed for customer service.
“This gig at the gym is great. “Why wouldn’t she give it to me,” ponders Kieran.
Anyway, it switches back to the wedge between Martha and Alf that Kieran is driving.
“It is “not appropriate” for him to leave, Martha insists, and she will “take care” of Alf.
Just to be sure, the sound isn’t as ominous as it sounds, and it doesn’t seem that Alf will be killed by Martha.
Alf gets into a huff, either because Kieran stays or because Martha goes.
Alf backs down a little as he learns that he may lose his wife again, and he threatens Kieran, naturally.
“Like a hawk, I’ll watch you,” Alf says.
They would all go to therapy and figure it out if it was real life, but there is no way Alf would agree to that. So divorce is inevitable, I suppose.