I must mention how very disappointed I am by the lack of a real, over-the-top cliffhanger before I enlighten you with my thoughts on this wonderful evening that is the Home and Away finale for 2020.
This is my first finale, and I anticipated major things: a natural catastrophe, an untimely death, or some kind of bombshell related to Jasmine.
But, alas, all I’ve got to deal with is the risk that his fellow inmates may be bashing Colby because they know he’s a cop.
Channel 7 played this very big in the ads, but it’s barely obvious that he’s in danger in the actual broadcast, apart from Colby’s dismal cut on his lip.
There is also a new character played by Luke Arnold, called Lewis Hayes, who looks strikingly like INXS star Michael Hutchence, so much so that he was cast in Never Break Us Apart The Untold Tale of INXS as the legendary singer. He is Jasmine’s old flame, so there’s plenty to look forward to.
But apart from the sub-par drama, I’m actually thrilled because I’ve been exposed to Justin’s moping for long enough and I need a break as my love for the show has increased.
So without further ado, here’s tonight’s kind of order recap.
Budget McDreamy aka Christian Green has returned to save lives around the country from his busy schedule and Tori is totally smitten.
Though delusional, the happy couple believe they have solved their problems with Jasmine because Jas said she’s “fine.”
I hope she’s really not all right and it all erupts in a glorious jealously-fuelled Jas.
Christian reveals, with that done and dusted, that he wants to move permanently to Summer Bay to be with Tori.
He says he’s been thinking about it for a bit, which can’t be much more than a month in practical terms.
Skeptical, Tori is. But not for the obvious reason that they’ve only known each other for weeks, but because she’s worried that after his fun-filled life gallivanting across the globe, he’s going to get tired of her.
The pair will go to the jetty for a stroll. It’s like the creators have forgotten the jetty of conflict and redemption, the place where all the characters come to look for resolution to the major problems of life, but not today.
What if one day you wake up and know that you made a mistake,” Tori tells Budget McDreamy.“
C’mon Tori, in this crime-ridden area, there are basically no eligible bachelors, so just do it.
‘I just don’t know if it’s the best thing to do to come here,’ she says.
“Listen to me in his incredibly low and reassuring voice, Budget McDreamy says.
“I know you’re at a much greater risk than I am, but believe me, I’ve been thinking about it,” he says.
“It’s a lot more exciting for me to create a future with you than any of that.”
They kiss Leah and Justin to “seal the deal” and make the announcement” and everyone watching will yell “yassss” because it’s all so nicely resolved.
Justin’s groaning has stopped to my relief, but it’s all in vain because the police are raiding the very groan-worthy garage.
This is about “stolen goods,” aka the drug-brimming van.
Ziggy plays stupidly. It is surprisingly persuasive.
Apparently a bloke was arrested for driving a stolen car a few weeks ago and he had this address on his burner phone says the nice extra dressed as a cop.”
Justin learns that the car was discovered at about the same time that Tane began working in the garage.
However, Leah hopes it’s a coincidence.
Ziggy jumps into panic mode right away and calls Tane. She gets his message bank, of course, because he’s too busy planning how to rob a country club with guns.
“It’s a simple hit,” Tane tells Ari as they sort out the logistics.
I still have a mystery about the nature of Tane’s criminal record, but he succeeds in everything he sets his mind to—criminally, I mean.
Eventually, Ziggy and Tane catch up so that Tane can be screamed at, and rightly so.
Budget McDreamy, meanwhile, gives Justin permission to return to light duties at work and he sits in the garage staring at a paper looking puzzled when Tane storms in and gives up and claims that Ziggy has nothing to do with it.
Ziggy is then summoned by Justin.
“You have to do some explaining,” Justin says.
She discusses what is happening, which reminds me in the first place of how crazy this whole thing is.
It all sounds a little familiar, Justin thinks, and drags Dean and the ex-card up.
Ziggy isn’t ready to be involved in her love life with Justin, her boss, but it’s just another day in Summer Bay when the line is crossed.
She had a cause, a tall dark one that was destroyed. Tane,” says Justin.
Justin isn’t sure if he’ll be able to get over the betrayal. But he’s going to do it because there aren’t any other mechanics in town and I expect Justin to drop dead from the curse of Leah’s dead husband.
Anyway the mood between Ziggy and Tane takes a dramatic shift after what seems like several hours later (in real time).
Ziggy says to Tane, “He was wondering why I would go out on a limb for you.”
“He thinks I’m inside you.”
And it cuts immediately to the steamy scene of them tearing off each other’s clothes that I’ve been waiting for since Tane first told the garage about his drug-running company.
If they do date, for the Parata boys, who can share rides on the way to see their roommate girlfriends, Ziggy and Mac, it will be very convenient.
John is always on Tinder, but with this, my composure wears thin. I suppose this is the effort of the creators to expose our slightly older viewers to online dating, which is no longer really a new phenomenon.
So Irene takes one for the team and invites John to dinner to raise his ego a little. His date didn’t turn up.
The couple are having a nice jolly time together.
He tells Irene, “I know what holds me back.”
“I want a real link.”
She says to John, “I’m sure someone will come along.”
I unexpectedly get overcome by a sick feeling, and oh my gosh, if John Palmer and Irene get together that will take things too far, producers, too far.
A presence is made by Dean. He doesn’t want Colby to come. I thought he would, but with all the moping he is doing, Dean has become the new Justin. I realize he’s going to prison for Colby’s mourning and Willow’s betrayal, so I have no sympathy.
He’s looking into the distance and he’s dreaming of Ziggy.
It switches to a shot of Tane’s bed, and I expect to see Zig in the huge arms of Tane, but she has already fled.
Next, Dean is shirtless at the pool. On view are all his surprising tattoos and he goes up to Zig and they go off to chat in the distance while Tane, shirtless as well, looks like he’s sloppy seconds.
Dean wants Ziggy back and he expresses his love for her once more.
I feel like they’ve been repeating this bit for weeks, so out of sheer boredom, I’m pleased with her decision that she can’t love a man who killed Ross dead and buried him in a shallow grave. But she does have the heinous tattoo that she got to factor in in Dean’s honor.
Dean pretends to weep, but we know he can’t cry, so instead, he asks Ziggy to leave.
Jasmine is the first person in jail to see Colby. I find this very interesting because even though the producers are really promoting the idea that they have a really deep-rooted friendship and seem to have dropped Jas’s grand baby-making plans, I don’t really know why they are friends.
The visit is much more fruitful than she would have thought, for there is a dorky man called Lewis.
“I promised to take care of you, Robbo,” and now their friendship is meaningful—all in remembrance of the dead Robbo. Or could it be some fast thought to throw me off the scent of Jas’ baby on behalf of the scriptwriters?
Visitation hours have come to an end, but because this new Lewis man has a spare afternoon to kill and they head off together, she’s not glum at all.
Meanwhile, on a tour of Summer Bay, Roo takes Kieran, the new arrival, who is Martha’s secret son with “issues.” Even though there is only a restaurant, pub, which Kieran can’t go into because the lure of alcohol is too much, and surf club, they manage to hang out all day.
Without a career, any prospects and no plans, he’s the lost puppy type.
While this is going on, Martha is increasingly worried that whatever that might be, Kieran is going to flip and go back to his old ways.
Alf pulls it from her.
Tell me, Martha, how bad has this gotten? “Says Alf.
About alcohol and domestic abuse, he gets filled in.
“It was getting so bad one night that I called the cops. What kind of mother is calling the police for her own son,’ Martha asks.
You never hit a woman,” says Alf, “Hey nice one, Alf.
Anyway, Kieran says that he has improved, and Martha wants to tell him.
“I wouldn’t have a bloke like that staying in the house under any circumstances,” Alf says.
It seems that Roo likes him though.
“He was very impressive in his resolve, mum,” Roo tells Alf and Martha.
I just can’t overcome the fact that Martha and Alf were married twice, but she managed to keep a secret with an adult son.
Kieran approaches Jas anyway for the role of manager at the gym but comes too hard on wayyy.
But Johnny Depp’s poor man is there to save Jasmine from the very intense Kieran. This is, I think, a sign of things to come for Jas.
We find out that Lewis is a nurse, too and they hooked up once but Lewis fell in love with Anna, who died after a car crash.
As a montage of all the characters plays out for the rest of the show, they bond over their respective tragedies and giggle in slow motion and I feel so let down that nothing that exciting happened.
But wait, there’s something more.
It turns to Colby and he runs around the yard and he is surrounded by all the inmates.
A baddie asks Colby, “You really thought you would get away with it, Constable Thorne.”
So there we have it a little glimmer of hope that Colby’s time is up for good and that I’m not going to have to look at his bad hair anymore.